
Excerpt from: A Kobaldi’s guide to not adventuring by Squeek Squaker
Well dearest readers as stated in the previous chapter Jack of Badside Row’s, now steadily going, Jambuka mistress Millie had invited us to an unforgettable day about the Imperial gardens, and what a day it was!
After curing the brave and noble Jack of the vile infections inflicted by the hellhounds ((rabid dogs)), from a short time before, it was a tired group that returned home to The House in a Street with No Name. I, knowing my place as housekeeper, got an early night with plans to scrub the lower floors to gleaming. Gangwulf likewise retired as the clever man he was, my other two, less clever, companions Sni Ve-Lor and Jack decided against this option opting to instead drink till unreasonable times. Gangwulf at one point stomping downstairs to quiet their raucous singing.
I was disgusted to discover a STILL drinking Snivelor downstairs when I arose at three am to begin my customary cleaning! I soon put an end to that, with the threats of no breakfast and pouring out the horrendous concoction the two were brewing in the cellar. He’d even left a pair of the most stinky raggedy socks imaginable on MY kitchen table when finally trudging upstairs, needless to say they made an excellent fire starter in the stove. At five the ever reliable and humble Mandia delivered the promised bread and cookies I’d thought to arrange for the feast (picknick) in the gardens we where to have that day. A truly remarkable man and master baker! You’ll find a full list of his recipes in my book ‘A kobaldi’s guide to things that want to eat you and how to eat them first’ the insights into herb lore on page 8 will astound you!
Seven am and Gangwulf arose for his morning prayers, at this time I saw him to be a devout worshiper of the Dragon Gods and not the heretic he turned out to be, always be careful of the allure of false gods and kings! Although I always thought it strange he would refuse to pray at the small shrine I had installed in the Living Room. While cooking breakfast (Fried Skink Bacon and whami whami eggs) he awoke our companions using alchemical toxins as vengeance for disturbing his rest previously. Jack disturbed breakfast in a panic that he lost the necklace he’d bought the evening before as a gift for his mistress and alas breakfast was eaten cold when it was found down the back of the couch.
At 10am Milli arrived on time with a copy of the 5 Koblold Debate that was due to take place that very Wednesday. A prestigious and glorious gathering of the finest religious minds of the Holy Dragons. Needless to say I already had front row seating and the glorious Milli persuaded my allys to join me at the event! I invited her have a quick spot to eat and off we went to the Imperial Gardens.
The sights we saw, the many winding private pathways leading to masterfully crafted flowerbeds and many life like bush sculptures. We encountered only a few other partakers in this land of miracles (miracles indeed as I was to discover later, this magical place has the capacity to heal illness and injury). At that time, and honestly still do occasionally, find the other dragon kins regards to Jambuka as strange. Everyone we meet thinks them my slaves, why dear reader would I want my dear companions to be dirty degenerate creatures? A slave is a slave a Jambuka is a Jambuka both in entirely different worlds… Anyway, the lovely Kobali family we initially met found it odd that I would live with and party alongside Jambuka as equals, but I can only believe them to be good people as they were taking their slave on their walk with them. Not many would take their slave with them, he was a good slave picking up after their little hatchlings so diligently.
Now onto the main event of the tour of the Gardens and one of the highlights of my life, my fateful meeting with the magnanimous, wonderful and frightfully powerful Malachai Woundwort. May his scales continue to radiate heat forever.Upon walking the wonders of the paths we stumbled upon this mightily drake having a light snack for lunch. Powerful his voice and imposing his presence he invited me to converse with him he also invited my friend Sni Ve-Lor to join in, however he was acting very silly calling me his master and all, fortunately Malachai took this in good humour and bad me join him in a snack… Fresh. Live. Piglet. Delicious! It squirmed so delightfully in my claws squealing and squalling. My teeth made shot work dear listeners, yes indeed. Hot blood splashed and flew, the bones where crunchy but not too hard. Perfect, my new acquaintance Malachai had excellent taste. Upon finishing my unexpected feast I was even given the honor of having Malachai becoming interested to see my humble abodes of the The Triolan Quarter Market1 he also insited Snivelor be present as well despite his silly behaviour.
Shortly after leaving we began to search for a spot to have our own lunch, however this search was arrested by dastardly criminals.We head a cry for help to stop thieves, then two suspicious figures came RUNNING down the pathway toward us. This, as you all will know, is Illegal in the Imperial Gardens unless in emergency the same also goes for drawing weapons. Then catching sight of distressed Kobaldi, our path was clear I cried for us to stop the vagabonds. We sprung into action apprehending the hardened Jambuka criminals with Sniv’s expert marksmanship and jacks perfects swings of his mighty sap, my voice only played a small part in this. Yes, we committed a crime. We drew weapons, BUT we were in the right the circumstances to be exempt, or so I hoped. The lovely Kobaldi family were at the loss of a priceless tiarra, this of course we retrieved and returned without thought of reward. HOWEVER I was appalled and ashamed that Jack has he audacity to ask for a reward, outright for being a just and reasonable person. Thankfully the family were not insulted and graciously agreed to accompany us to hand the transgressors to justice.
A dark stain has forever marred this day for me readers… I have always been a reluctant adventurer, I do not enjoy violence nor harm. I had fought and killed monsters but never people, never another thinking being. The Jambuka Girl, Greta was her name, tried to escape. She barreled Snivelor over to the ground, tried to run… escape justice. I had all the right to stop her, and I did, my voice rang out, tore her apart. She died instantly. It did not feel good my readers, killing never does. Fortunately Malachai overheard the commotion and came crashing into the scene. He listened to the explanations (in spite of us disturbing his relaxation and snack time) without judgment and even praised Snivelor for his quick thinking on using his bow, even daigning to escort us lowly creatures to the guards so glorious is he. Having both a mightily Akinji (although I back then considered him to be a Timarli and hoped him to gain this honor some day) and fellow Kobaldi the handover of the body and remaining criminal to the guards went smoothly. Malachai took the criminal to serve his sentence personally, most likely to become the slave he always should have been! Appetites at this point were low so as a group it was called to end the trip. As recompense Jack took Milli to a Coffee parlour as an apology for all the excitement.
Despite the dark cloud that hung over my head at the kill of a sentient, it could not overcome the excitement at the 5 Kobold Debate the next day, and what a day it was to turn out to be!